Understanding the Causes of Drug Addiction - The Cause and Treatment

Addiction: What we do in the absence of Real Love Without sufficient Real Love in our lives, the pain and emptiness are intolerable. In order to eliminate or reduce these feelings, were willing to do almost anything. This desire to eliminate pain is the key to understanding the causes of addiction. When we find something that temporarily reduces the emptiness and pain of not having enough of that one element essential to our emotional health (Real Love), we pursue that temporary source of reliefthat substance, person, feeling, or behaviorwith great zeal, even desperation, and when that desperation leads us to regularly disregard the potentially negative social, psychological, and physical consequences of our pursuit, we have satisfied the definition of addiction.

Everything we use as a substitute for Real Loveto temporarily make us feel better in the absence of what we really needbecomes a form of Imitation Love, and all those substitutes fall into one or more of four categories: praise, power, pleasure, and safety.

Praise

In the absence of Real Love, we very much enjoy the acceptance and praise of others, and were generally willing to do a great deal to earn it. But therein lies the problem. We have to earn praise. We have to do what other people want us to do, so the approval they subsequently give us cannot feel as though it were given unconditionally. In short, the instant we do anything to get other people to like us in any way, we cant feel genuinely loved.

In addition to praise being an ineffective substitute for Real Love, its effects are also annoyingly temporary. Weve all had the experience of working hard to purchase a moment of acceptance, only to discover that the effects wear off with astonishing speed. Then we have to earn it again, and again, and again. In fact, the more we rely on praise, the faster the effects wear off.

We also have to work harder and harder for the same amount of praise. When you were four years old, for example, you could simply tie your shoes correctly and be rewarded with Wow, you are so clever. But you have to do a lot more than that to hear those same words now, dont you? This continual earning of praise is exhausting.

We have also learned that greater quantities of praise are required to give us the same feelings of satisfaction. Where once the slightest nod of approval may have been fulfilling, eventually we require greater displays of acceptance, then applause, then printed notices in the newspaper. Ask most professional performers about their growing and often insatiable need for praise. Eventually, no amount of praise yields satisfaction.

It shouldnt be difficult to see that the pattern weve described here for praise is exactly the same as for any addictive drug. Lets make that comparison here. Any narcotics addict, for example, knows that when using his drug

• the initial effects are exciting.
• there is a sense of relief or excitement, but the feeling is never one of genuine fulfillment or peace or joy.
• the effects wear off, and with time they wear off more quickly.

greater and greater quantities are required to achieve the same effect.

The addictions to praise and drugs share another important characteristic. While people are addicted to either substance, the intoxication and other effects are so distracting that the users cannot feel the effects of Real Love. They cant feel loved, and that effect alone is deadly.

With the possible exception of the physical withdrawal seen in drug addiction, there is little to no difference between the addiction to drugs and the addiction to praise. It should also be emphasizedoriginally stated in the new definition of addictionthat the addictions to all other forms of Imitation Love follow the same patterns as those for drugs and praise, as described above. All addictionsto praise, power, pleasure, and safetyare essentially the same. They have the same characteristics, and in the end, theyre all capable of destroying our lives, because they destroy our ability to benefit from the Real Love that is essential to our emotional well-being.

In order for people to smile at us, compliment us, and want to spend time with usall signs that they accept or love usweve learned that we usually have to be talented, beautiful, wealthy, witty, cooperative, grateful, successful, or otherwise worthy of acceptance. That kind of acceptance is conditional, because all the signs of itthe smiles and kind words, for exampledisappear when we make mistakes, inconvenience people, and fail to live up to the expectations of others.

Because the absence of Real Love is painful, however, were willing to do a lot to earn the approval that temporarily makes us feel good, even if its conditional. We make ourselves look good physically, for example, with exercise, clothing, makeup, starvation, and plastic surgery, all in the hope that someone will say, Youre looking good. We work hard to succeed at school and in our jobs in order to be complimented for our intelligence, creativity, and diligence.

Power

Although its mostly unintentional, any time we successfully manipulate or control someone, were enjoying a sensation of power over that person. We use money, authority, sex, flattery, and personal persuasion to influence, control, and even hurt people. When we control someone, we actually feel more connected to him or her in a brief, shallow way. Its not Real Love, but when we control the people around us, we feel less powerless; we feel less of the emptiness and helplessness that are always associated with a lack of Real Love.

Pleasure

When we dont feel unconditionally loved, we often use pleasurefood, sex, drugs, shopping, gambling, driving fast, and many forms of entertainment and excitementto feel better temporarily. Certainly theres nothing inherently wrong with pleasure, but when we compulsively seek it, were using it to fill a deep emptiness, and that pursuit easily becomes an addiction.

Safety

Without sufficient Real Love, were already experiencing an insufferable pain, and well go to great lengths to keep ourselves safe from anything that might prolong or worsen our pain. To minimize painful disapproval, we stay away from unfamiliar situations, tasks, and relationships, and then we confuse that feeling of relative safety with real happiness. People who are chronically shy, for example, are addicted to safety. Alcohol and drugs are common avenues to diminish pain, yet another way to achieve safety.

The Broad Face of Addiction

We can become addicted to anything that diminishes the pain of not feeling loved, and that includes a broad range of substances, people, feelings, and behaviors. We can become addicted to

• alcohol, which gives us an obvious sensation of pleasure. More importantly, alcohol is a depressant that dulls the pain in our lives, most prominently the pain of not feeling loved. Dr. Baer relates that virtually every alcoholic he has known has resonated with the suggestion that relief of pain (safety) is the primary reason for his or her drinking. Many people also get a sensation of power from alcohol, because when intoxicated they feel a measure of freedom from their fears.
• drugs (same pleasure, power, and safety as from alcohol).
• sex (pleasure, praise, power).
• food (pleasure).
• gambling (pleasure, praise, power).
• approval (praise, power, safety).
• the love compulsively derived from a single person (praise, power, pleasure, safety). Falling in love usually exemplifies this.
• controlling others (power, praise, safety).
• anger (power, safety).
• lying (safety).
• shopping (praise, power).
• running from relationships (safety).
• money (praise, power, pleasure, safety).

And this is an incomplete list. When we understand addiction in light of the insights above, the incidence of addiction in our society rises to well over 90%.

How can I treat drug addiction and other types of addiction?

When we understand that addiction is a pathologic pursuit of anything that will reduce the pain in our lives, usually the pain of not feeling loved, the treatment of drug addiction becomes apparent.

As people learn to find Real Lovethe single ingredient most important for happinesstheir wounds begin to heal. They begin to find wholeness and genuine health. As the pain in their lives diminishesand it uniformly does in the presence of Real Lovethey simply lose the need to fill their emptiness with Imitation Love, which includes all the objects of addiction. People most effectively let go of their addictions not by willpower but because they have no need for them anymore.

This is far more than a theory. Thousands of people have now experienced the healing power of Real Love in their lives and have then experienced the freedom of being released from the chains of their addictions.

The world is literally dying from a lack of the one thing essential for our happinessReal Love. We spend our entire lives trying to replace that unconditional love with praise, power, sex, money, entertainment, safety, and so on. But it never works, and the resulting emptiness and fear are almost too much to bear.

We dont have to live like this anymore. Greg Baer and RealLove.com are teaching (1) the real cause of fear and anger and (2) how to find this Real Love that replaces the fear, anger, and conflict in our lives with peace, confidence, and genuine happiness.

Dr. Greg Baer is the author of 16 books, DVDs, and CDstwo of which are internationally published by Penguin Putnam Groupand has presented the life-changing message of Real Love to hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.

For more information on Real Love, including hours of free streaming video and audio, visit http://www.RealLove.com Youll be grateful for the rest of your life that you took this step.

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