Schmoozing is for Suckers

Thats right, I said it. Schmoozing is for suckers. And Ive finally grown tired of people using the word as a synonym for conversation, networking, mingling, small talk and chatter.

So I decided to look up the word schmoozing in the dictionary for the first time. And I found three VERY interesting facts that you might like to know:

1) Its defined as, To converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage.

2) It derives from the Yiddish term shmuesn, or rumor.

3) Synonyms include: gossip, bad-mouth, blather and tattle-tale.

I dont know about you, but thats NOT the way I communicate. Nor is it the way Id want people describing the way I communicate.

I also Googled the word schmoozing. 2,272,000 pages came up. The first dozen or so were Amazon links for books written on schmoozing, most of which Ive read; some of which were good. Unfortunately, schmoozing is a word that carries with it certain stereotypes. And I dont think Im alone here, but, heres what I picture when I imagine a schmoozer:

But thats just me. Thats MY truth, not THE truth.

Im sure there are a lot of people who dont consider schmoozing to be in bad taste. And thats totally cool. If youre schmoozing in order to develop and maintain mutually valuable relationships, to engage, make friends, have fun, and expand your network, cool. More power to ya!

But dictionaries dont lie. And I think the big idea behind schmoozing has to do with attitude. After all, approachability starts in your mind.

Therefore, Id like to offer the following list:

Four Ways to Avoid Being Labeled as a Schmoozer

1. Dont monopolize the conversation. You were born with two ears and one mouth. Use them proportionately. Ask creative, fun and interesting questions like, Whats the best part about your job? Then be quiet.

2. Slow down. Walk, talk and move between conversations at a casual, relaxed pace. Make it easy for someone to get your attention. Dont hop from person to person like a politician.

3. Exit gracefully. After talking to someone for a few minutes, conclude your conversation commensurate with the connection youve just made, i.e., Im sure well talk again later tonight, Ill drop you an email and we can talk more about it, Lets find a good time for both of us when we can continue this conversation, or Im sure we both want to meet other people here too, so Ill let ya go for now!

4. Sit down. Take a break. Relax. Watch the room. Let people come to YOU for a change. Remember, approachability is a two way street: youre both the approach-ER and the approach-EE.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...
Do you work with any schmoozers?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS...
Next time you attend a party, event or conference, look for two types of people: schmoozers and non-schmoozers. Take notes on the differences between the two. Email me your ideas and I'll use them in my next book!

2006 All Rights Reserved.

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