Guide to Dealing With Depression Without Asking For Help

When people have depression, often friends and family know only after it is far, far, FAR too late. This is because people who have depression are often reluctant to ask for help, for such is their nature. I have written this article in order to assist people who have regular depression but are too terrified to ask for help. If you choose to fight this battle by yourself, then good luck to you. I hope my article will help.

There are a wide variety of reasons for feeling depressed, but often as not, the feeling of depression is characterized by loneliness, paranoia and anxiety. You do not have a friend that shares these experiences--- everyone else seems to be just dandy.You\'ll hear people say that it is best to get help, but you don\'t want to. They say that they understand, but do they really? Maybe they have known what it was to feel down every now and then, but for them it was always a temporary thing.

For you it has not been temporary. It keeps coming back, sometimes after a month and sometimes after a day, like an ex-lover that just won\'t leave you the fuck alone. You think to yourself: \"Is this really as good as my life will get? What if my life never improves, and I find myself feeling like this over and over again until the end of my miserable days?\" It is a frightening prospect. If this is the best there is, do you really want to bother with the rest of your life? Some people will not understand the inherent logic in taking your own life. To them, life is full of ups and downs, but the ups have always been worth the downs. For you, the ups are few and far between. You would gladly trade away your piteous ups in order to get rid of those ugly, ugly downs. Isn\'t that what death is? Eternal silence? So maybe yea, you\'re not having any fun but at least your brain will stop screaming at you.

Oh, you didn\'t know about that, did you? Yes, it\'s the feeling that nothing will ever get better, like you just broke both your legs while surrounded by miles of wilderness and no one\'s around to save you, and your legs are starting to smell like gangrene. That\'s right, you\'re going to sit there as poison creeps up your veins and into your brain and you\'ll die a gibbering idiot, and no one\'s coming to save you. Loneliness, my friends, is a slow acting, but deadly poison.

Wouldn\'t it be better to just spray your brains on a wall and get this whole \"life\" business over with? After all, you weren\'t consulted when they dragged you screaming from the womb. They didn\'t ask if you could fit in a lifetime a bullshit on your agenda when you were born. They just stuck you here, without your permission, and said \"off you go!\". You\'re basically just evening the scales.

Yea, fuck the world, right? What do they know about \"help\"? Oh, they\'ll feed you some drugs and assign you a counseler, sure. But you don\'t really want that, do you? A counselor? Are they serious?

Is that how you imagined your future as a kid, as someone who had to lie down on a couch and spill their guts to someone with a clipboard, and they SAY they don\'t judge you, but you know they do. You know, even as they\'re saying that they aren\'t judging you, even as they\'re TRYING not to judge you, they\'re judging you. Friends, family, whatever. Will it really be the same after you tell them? Would they REALLY be cool with it?

I mean, you can\'t know for sure. As you can probably imagine, they are more glad that you admit having depression than kill yourself without warning. But on the other hand, the fact that you have depression isn\'t something somebody WANTS to hear. They\'d rather you not be depressed at all, and so that\'s how you act.

So what do I do, Dave? You\'re not making me feel better. You\'re making me feel worse.

Oh, right. About that. Listen up, my brethren, because you are the few, the brave, the stones that no one can squeeze blood from. There IS medication for your condition. There IS support you can get, and it DOES help. But I know you. You don\'t want THEIR help. You want to help yourself.

There are things you can do to combat your depression, but they aren\'t pretty. There\'s no gimmmick, like holding your breath or any crap like that. Unfortunately for you, the answer to combating depression is mental.

Some people really do have chemical imbalances in their bodies, and perhaps need drugs to be fixed. But if you suspect this is not the case, then read on.

-- No One Seems to Understand You.

Here\'s the deal, buddy. It\'s true. Even after your mom or your best friend immediately answers, \"I do!\", they don\'t. Okay? They don\'t. They\'re talking out of their ass. The thing is, the majority of your time is spent around people who do not connect with you. This is like someone who is only good at athletics trying to fit in with a group of intellectuals, or a musician who can\'t find anyone else that loves music like s/he does. The fact is, there ARE other people like you. The problem is, you don\'t know them.

Let\'s say that a person like you is one in a hundred. How many people live around you that you interract with? Thirty? Fifty? Eighty? Most people seem to fit in in groups of at least half a dozen or more, but you are unlikely to find more than several other people remotely like you. Those people aren\'t necessarily your friends, either. You just know them.

That means you a rare person. You have to settle in your friendships, allying people who aren\'t like you at all, but you adjust to them in order to be friends with them. Wouldn\'t it be nice to meet a big group of people like yourself? Well, too bad, you probably won\'t find one.

So what do I do? I still don\'t feel any better.

Quit moping and read on.

-- Most People Are Idiots.

There are a number of factors linked to depression. One of them is that people with very high intelligence have difficulty meeting other people with abnormally high intelligence, and so become lonely. Often, highly intellectual people are also introverts, and so do not actively seek the company of other people. That means there\'s a double whammy here: you think \"too much\" and you\'re lonely while you do it. What I\'m trying to say is, people without depression are often idiots, because you would have to be an idiot not to be depressed. Think about it: who are the happiest people you know? The image that readily comes to mind is a gap-toothed moron, grinning as he scratches his nether regions. Stupid people do not think about the things they have done, and so therefore do not become depressed about them. They run into the same pitfalls over and over again, sure, but they don\'t become depressed about it.

So here\'s something maybe you didn\'t think of: If you\'re feeling depressed, try imagining what it\'s like to be a total fucking idiot and not have to think about those things. That sounds like it might not help but it does, because guess what? You realize that you aren\'t the one with the problem-- it\'s everyone else who isn\'t as perceiving as you are. So chin up a bit! Intellectuals commit suicide all the time, so it isn\'t a big deal that you\'ve thought about it.

--Convert Your Emotions.

Converting your emotions is hard. Depression, you see, is linked to unresolved anger and trauma. That means to \"change\" how you feel is to take a negative emotion and change it into a positive one. How do you convert shit into gold? What are you, an alchemist? People tell you all you need is a positive attitude, well you can tell those people to shut their fat fucking mouths.

If someone cuts you off and you total your car and break two legs, are you supposed to have a positive attitude in that one fucking instant? No. Well, if you have depression that means you may have unresolved conflicts, and how are you supposed to be happy about it? How, really?

But don\'t worry guys, there is a way. You CAN convert your emotions... but it isn\'t easy. The first thing you need to master is to convert your misery and your hopelessness to ---not a positive emotion--- but to another negative one.

Have you ever tried anger? It\'s ever so much better than misery. No, it doesn\'t feel good, but it can make you strong. When you\'re angry enough over an injustice, no amount of pain inflicted on you will dissuade the amount of comfort you receive from making things right. If someone has made you feel like shit, was it REALLY your fault? Do you HAVE to put up with it?

If the answer is no, fight back, even if no one is on your side. Life isn\'t measured by your ability to appease every asshole you meet. You don\'t need everyone to like you. You don\'t need to like everyone. But in order to fight back, you have to give in to your anger-- because Anger will help you do the thing you need to do to get even.

Work out. Study. Learn to fight. Learn to tell someone off. Carry a weapon on you. (THERE! I SAID IT). Because no matter where you go, you should be able to feel safe and free to excersize your rights as an American. You are entitled to the pursuit of happiness, and if anyone stands in your way, fuck them. People who don\'t arm themselves think they have nothing to fear, but you do. So learn to fight. No one is going to offer help.

Eventually, after all your hard work, you will find that you are actually more interesting and well-rounded than most people. Most people won\'t appreciate it, but fuck those people. You are you, and they are them.

The thing with anger is that it can get the best of you. Don\'t let your hopeless negativism bring everybody around you down before you give them a chance to speak--- that\'s just rude. The idea is to get people to like and respect you. But on the other hand, don\'t take shit that you know you can\'t forgive. If you do, it will bother the fuck out of you, so kill the rodent before it scuttles away and builds a nest in your mind. Sometimes you have to let some things go, but once you draw a line, don\'t let anyone cross it. Just because you aren\'t like them doesn\'t mean they can abuse you--- if you are civil with them, they should at least give you the same courtesy.

In other words, learn how to be mean. Learn not to CARE about hurting someone\'s feelings. Say \"Fuck You.\" It feels good. Learn to be arrogant, like them, like you are the most unapproachable person in the room. You can even try making a hurtful comment about someone and make it sound like a joke. They call it confidence, or arrogance, it amounts to the same thing. Try it out, and you\'ll realize what all the fuss is about. You are now the person who never starts trouble, but when it comes your way you hit it directly in the teeth with a baseball bat, then gather up the molars and sell them as cuff links for a 1.95 a piece on eBay.

And now suddenly you feel much better about yourself, and maybe people don\'t target you as much any more. But remember to control your anger--- not everyone is out to get you. Some people genuinely want what\'s best for you-- and some people are assholes. Learn to distinguish the two.

--Imagine

Maybe you\'re not imaginative, but if you\'re regularly depressed chances are that you ARE. Sometimes you let your imagination get away with you, and it drives you crazy. Yeah, I know, it sucks.

But your imagination, as gay as this sounds, is your most powerful weapon. You and you alone can enter the minds of people who aren\'t like you and see what makes them tick. Sometimes you don\'t want to understand people, because hating them is ever so much less depressing than loving them, because chances are they don\'t love you back. But if you can picture yourself in other people\'s shoes, you can do two things that other people can\'t:

- Act. Pretend to be another person. In the end we all are what we pretend to be, so try this: For a day, pretend you aren\'t like you. Pretend you\'re like someone else. Mimic your best friend, or a teacher you like, or even your enemy. Not only will people be more responsive to you, but you will LITERALLY feel like a different person. And once you try to act like a few different people, you will start to understand how EVERYONE thinks. You will be able to meet a person for only a few minutes and know exactly what that sort of person likes to hear. Your friends may find it scary. You should remember, though, not to forget what it was like to be you.

-Control. Once you think about how other people think, you\'ll find that you are extremely powerful. Most people like you, and now if someone fucks with you a dozen other people will come rushing to your aid. You have a rare gift, a terrifying one that allows you to manipulate every single person you meet and get them to trust you. Try to not let it go to your head, k?

Theodore Roosevelt: \"... I was terrified. But when I pretended I was not afraid, I found that I was less afraid\".(in reference to rallying his men in the face of a hail of Spanish bullets!)

So there, now hopefully you feel better, my depressed amigos. You are the future leaders of this country, doers of great good and evil, whichever you decide. You could have thousands of people cherishing your memory or thousands praying for your soul to burn in hell. It all depends on what you decide to do with this miserable world God gave you.

Remember too, your place in history. You are doubtfully the first person to have the problems you have, and you probably won\'t be the last. Remember history is just one tragedy after another, and while most people despair when disaster strikes, you do not. When a real storm comes, while everyone else gives up all hope, you are calm, because you are no stranger to adversity, and it\'s nice to share it once and a while. You are a survivor.

So buck up, fellas. It\'s not crazy to think about it, and you are not alone. Keep on keepin\' on.

I am someone you do not know or understand yet, and that\'s all you need to know.

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