Are You A Superhuman Senior Caregiver?

Many caregivers feel guilty if they treat themselves as well as the sorriest race horse. Yet, if they don\'t, they\'ll break down just as surely as any exhausted old nag.

Professional athletes rest between games. Race horses get time in the barn between sprints. Professional trainers know that their assets won\'t be worth a plugged nickel if they can\'t rest and replenish. They\'ll simply keel over if they don\'t give their muscles and brains the time to heal and rebuild.

Unless you\'re a fanatic about setting reasonable limits, just keeping a roof over your head and raising a family can sometimes be a stretch. Adding the needs of an aging parent or ailing spouse into the mix can push even the most dedicated caregiver over the brink. Little wonder that anger, depression, and exhaustion often plague caregivers.

Good parents intuitively know that it\'s important to set limits for children. Why, then, do we have such a hard time setting the same kind of limits with our older needy family members?

Probably because deep down inside we\'ll always be our parents\' children. We learned as children that saying \"No\" to a parent wasn\'t an option. Instinctively, most of us still want to avoid the unpleasantness of \"parental disapproval.\"

That\'s why it\'s so important that as caregivers we do bite that bullet and set limits as early as possible. The longer we wait, the more we will dread it and the harder it will get.

As soon as you discover that you\'re an elder caregiver (it takes many by surprise), it\'s important to take some time to do an objective review of your daily work responsibilities, the needs of your immediate family, your own personal needs, and the needs of the senior you\'re caring for.

On a pad of paper make two lists: \"Things I Want To or Must Do Myself,\" and \"Things I Could Delegate If My Parent or Spouse Wouldn\'t Pitch a Fit And If I Didn\'t Feel So Guilty.\" Write everything you can think of on one list or the other.

Once you have made your two lists, go back to your second column and scratch out the words, \"If My Parent or Spouse Wouldn\'t Pitch a Fit And If I Didn\'t Feel So Guilty.\"

Now you know what caregiver tasks you could delegate, and what you can\'t or won\'t.

This is the time to locate resources that can help (other family members, volunteers, or paid services) that can help with your \"delegate\" list. Add these helpers to your caregiving team early, and you won\'t be in a panic later when you reach your limit and are desperate for help.

Dread your elder\'s reaction? Of course. Feel guilty? You probably will. Feel anxious about bringing in someone who might not do things as well as you would? Surely, but in most cases good enough is usually good enough.

Just try to remember that, if you have done nothing wrong, then there is nothing to feel guilty about. That \"guilty\" feeling is probably really a combination of anxiety about setting limits and frustration that you weren\'t born superhuman.

If you feel so much guilt and anxiety that you can\'t bring yourself to delegate some caregiving responsibilities, visit a caregiver\'s support group. You\'ll find compassionate people who are walking the same path you are, and who can help you do what you must do to stay emotionally and physically healthy for the long elder care road you may have ahead.

If you\'re not a superhuman caregiver, click here to start finding elder care resources before the crisis hits. If the link above isn\'t working, try http:http://www.eldercareteam.com for everything you need to get started.

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